nikavia

Give me a reason for me to believe in, can't you see it in my eyes,
That I need a reason for I'm still breathing.
Is it time to say goodbye?
'Cause deep in my heart I know there's a reason why I am not leaving, why I'm not alone.
So give me a reason for me to believe it, give me a reason.

~ Cascada “Reason”

Yeah so I didn’t update 19 days ago like I said I would. You all know me. I have the attention span of a puppy. Place something shiny in front of my and I may very well be on livejournal but… well I forget that I have an account even though the site auto-signs me in every time I visit the site practically. I don’t even have a good excuse that revolves around saving innocent people or dire circumstances or even “my internet died”. No my excuse is that I am lazy… really-really lazy and I didn’t really have anything to say… okay that is a lie I had plenty to say but I would have to sit down and type it all out and I really didn’t want to do that.

So um the facts of my life really quick… well more like the fact of my life. I am now permanently on my laptop as my computer died a violent and horrible death. The good news is that I have a mouse and keyboard that are USB compatible so I can use a mouse that doesn’t move the curser just because you happened to breath and I can type without affecting said mouse-touch-sensitive-telepathic-evil-thing. It’s hard to adjust though because my laptop is a wide screen which means that although I do get to see movies on it better, I don’t get the same screen things. Wallpapers and backgrounds no longer fit like they should. It is really weird. I’m going to set up my screen saver after this update. It can do a nifty one I hope because right now I just have the marquee going saying “Curse their choice for hero; they picked a cute one…” I have no idea if that is punctuated right. For those of you who haven’t noticed, my words are all capitalized at the right time like “I” and at the beginning of sentences and my spelling is better sort of. This is not because I have gotten better at typing or spelling mind you but rather because I am typing on Word before I update. This will not be a common occurrence. I just wanted to test it out and Word is really starting to bother me because whenever I delete or type or anything, this little box with a lightning bolt shows up. It says it has something to do with auto-formatting but I just want the box to go away.

So what actually prompted me to update apart from horrible God awful guilt? I got an account on Tokyopop.com ( http://www.tokyopop.com ) because they said that if I did that I could get notified when certain mangas got released. I squealed and signed up(username: Nyke). Why was I on Tokyopop you ask now? Because I have this horrible thing that I affectionately call the “uber list”, and it’s name should be self explanatory. The fact is that it is very big. It is a list of all the mangas Tokyopop releases, volume by volume, with release dates, artist/writers, ownership, whether or not it is out, genre, rating and… no that’s it. It is an excel file because it lines up all nicely and is usually a good deterrent for me when I want to go to Borders. I look at the number at the bottom of the list and I whimper pathetically… I wonder. Hey if anyone knows how to use Excel really well, do you know if I can have it tally something up at the bottom. I know I can make it add and stuff but can it identify words… because that would just be neat and would really help the “Borders-Yay-Shopping-Manga!-Trips-of-Doom”. However the problem with the list is that it has not been updated in like 5 months and Tokyopop has releases a whole bunch of new series and mangas and stuff since then so the whole prevention thing no longer works because the number no longer makes me pause and wonder if I really need those 126 mangas (in case you are wondering the current-I’ve-only-been-working-on-the-list-for-an-itsy-bit-so-close-to-the-February-number is 1,762). But there is also the fact that I know that, contrary to popular belief, I do not have that many mangas. I’ve got maybe about 400. I haven’t counted in a bit and plus I have some lent out. So I have to remember how many I don’t have, how many my sister took and how many I just put in a stupid place. Like Deathnote volume 6 behind my computer monitor.

Anyway back to Tokyopop. Tokyopop has just opened a new thing that is similar to Livejournal only not as complex. It’s sorta the same but mostly based around fan service. It’s like Livejournal where you can meet all kinds of people except it is way more intense where you can see all the new people who signed on. I made a friend within 4 minutes of making my account I kid you not. It was kinda scary. Also their blogs are a lot more public and are listed by update so you can just go look at anyone who updates, merely because they updated. Bit freaky but since I actually made a blog post on there I figured that I better update here because I use Livejournal more then once a… whenever and besides I said I would update on the 9^th and it is more certainly not the 9^th but rather 20 days later. But this brings me to a related topic of the inconsistency among anything requiring a userpic. AOL/AIM uses little itty-bitty userpics that are 50x50 pixels I think (not being an AOL user I can not say for sure) and I have no idea about the type of file it can be. Livejournal’s are supposed to be max-size 100x100 pixels and can be JPG, GIF, or PNG. MSN instant messenger will accept most files but will not play moving GIFs, however they must be 99x99 pixels (if the image isn’t, it gets compressed). Tokyopop’s userpics are 140x133 (I think they can be smaller but it was already mad at me because I used the wrong type of file so I didn’t push) pixels and must be either JPGs or GIFs. It is so confusing and I get kinda twitchy when I think about it. I don’t know what myspace uses because I am have yet to get one… whoops. **shrugs, and fails to look apologetic**

I have been having creativity issues as of late. It kinda sucks because I want to write or draw but my last muse just kinda rolled over and died on my because I didn’t listen. Hopefully my new muses will not die on me for at least a week. My new muses are like so: Baralai: 30%, Gippal 25%, Paine and Nooj, 10%, Squall 20%, Cloud 10%, shiny dots, paperclips, the odd button on my keyboard that I still don’t know how to use, etc. 5%. Unless my math skills have evaporated, that should add up to 100%. But Baralai, Gippal, Nooj, and Paine are all from Final Fantasy X-2 (hereafter known as FFX-2 because that is shorter) and they are my new muses. There is a long story behind my fascination with them  but lets just say wikipedia is evil, Final Fantasy Insider is evil, the people who wrote “The Confessional” are evil and Oritsuru is evil. Screenshots are the spawn of fluffy evil puppies also known as Holly. They lead to odd conversations with Sarah and Dusty shaped people about how you can spot who the crazies out there will just leap on as a couple and give them cutesy couple names (you know, where you combine the names to make them all… cutesy and “OMGsomeant2b!” ex: Draco/Hermione **shudders a bit** would be like “Dramione” or something) if you think I am making up the cutesy couple name thing, you have not been on the internet enough and need to either stop the indecipherable madness or laugh at it, like me. I like Gundam Wing for this reason. Although I was not old enough to understand it when I first saw the show, the whole number thing makes sense now that I am… ahem “worldly”… or maybe “ruined” is a better word. I miss being naïve. Then we get to fandoms like Saiyuki where the whole number thing makes no sense and in the end you just shrug and accept that the people who came up with the system are insane… What was I talking about again? Oh spotting potential innocent characters that people will swear are totally having a passionate affair whenever we happen to not be looking. Those looks of hatred? Lust, lust all the way.  Essentially all that there needs to be is a very simple factor. Do they look good together… yes fans are very shallow. There is also a whole crossed lovers thing, salvation for the unsaved, the enemies who suddenly are forced into circumstances where they have to become friendly, best friends. While these can usually be explained my personal favorite reason for people and their pairing of two people would have to be “Well they both know this one person and were totally at that one thing at the same time and even though they didn’t even look at each other you could just feel the tension you know? <insert swooning here>” If you ever happened to come across one of these people the best thing to do is nod… and back away until you are out of arms reach and then run for about 20 minutes. You should be good and the lack of air will keep you from hurting yourself with laughter. As I said some reasoning makes sense (these are usually the ones who end up with the cutesy couple names), like the whole best friend thing, hell throw in star crossed best friends and I give you the very thing that defines a couple that gets a cutesy name… except in Harry Potter where they use initials… Question does “Hr” stand for “Harry” or “Hermione”? In then end most guess “Hermione”, which would be correct but you have to sit and think about it….

Anyway back to the semi-original subject of the last paragraph and just say that playing the couple chasers game is fun. No really. Have fun with it. Pick a random movie or anything and pick two random people, figure out how they are meant to be and why and make up stupid evidence and then proclaim them your OTP (“One True Pairing” for those not up with the lingo). I have about… a lot. It really is a fun game. And the best part? It makes things a lot funnier and really hard to explain to others why you are snickering when they two haves of your OTP drop evidence of their OMGsomeant2b!-ness in your lap. Television shows are best for this. Dusty and Sarah know what I’m talking about. Sarah was on the phone with me when I saw the screen shots for FFX-2 and said “Ha, found one of the OMGsomeant2b pairing!” and then proceeded to determine how someant2b they were… which was a lot actually. Even on the official fanlisting for one of the characters. Pretty funny. And this was only just by vaguely knowing stuff about the two characters. I laughed for a bit and proclaimed them one of my OTPs… I should make up a list of all my OTPs… putting that on the to do list.

I’ve been updating my user info page with new color bars Quizilla things and the like. I’ve also been updating my interests. Some of them I really have no idea what I was thinking when I put them up. Rather upsetting really. I probably put them on in a late night post like this. Oh well.

In other news, I beat Final Fantasy X, hence all the FFX-2-ness. It was sad and I cried and then popped FFX-2 in and laughed with maniacle glee as I was given free reign, I mean travel, all over the place right at the beginning. Normally you have to wait until just before the 18-bajillion boss evil ending fights before that happenes. So I figured out how to beat FFX. And I write it for future generations and for myself because I will forget someday. It all revolves around getting the treasure in Bevelle and getting Yuna’s strength up to 35. It really isn’t that hard once you start out going “need to get to 35”. You then can just beat things with one blow. It’s great! So I now am playing FFX-2 and I have restarted it twice. It was kinda sad. But the good news is I got to see Baralai! And I ruined my chances of getting even close to 100% compleation right at the get go because I gave the “Awesome Sphere” to Baralai… because I like him more even though he is *******edited for spoilers for those who are shaped kinda like Sarah but probably are going to look a whole lot more Lindsay shaped******* So now I am trying to beat the ultimate evil thing at the very end (95,310 non-regenerating Health points before I am done) but I can only beat the first one with no problem, and then the second one rips me to shreds… I will come up with a solution though… somehow. So now that I am really tired and stuff I think I will go to bed. I may even really update tomorrow because today was a lot of fun! Yay! Anyway laters.

Nyssa

Ps: If you are wondering, this post is officially 2,350 words long.