nikavia

OMG so I bought the best book EVER! It’s a Borders Exclusive, a Harry Potter one, and it is hilarious. The writer is soo… sooo… biting. He makes fun of everyone… Dumbledore included. My thing about Dumbledore being ineffective as a headmaster is perfectly spelled out by him. And he writes just hilarious things… I have copied one of my favorite parts which is under the cut.

During his first year, [Harry] finds one school corridor patrolled by a giant, vicious. three-headed dog. He ends up fighting a cave troll in a bathroom, and later fighting for his life against a teacher possessed by the most evil wizard that ever lived.

His second year finds the school terrorized by a supernatural creature capable of turning the unwary to stone. He tracks down this monster by finding a secret passage in a bathroom haunted by a student murdered during a previous school year The battle that results almost kills him.

His third year finds the school invaded by an escaped convict responsible for murdering thirteen people, and guarded by creatures capable of sucking the souls from their victims.

His forth year finds the school hosting a competition where underage kids are encouraged to battle vicious dragons, risk drowning, and be lost in soul destroying hedge mazes.

His fifth year finds the school under the control of a vicious bureaucrat who enjoys torturing the students she sentences to detention.

His sixth year finds the school under attack again, this time by a whole group of escaped convicts.

The school’s landscaping including a malignant tree with branches capable of hammering anything that comes into range.

The school is surrounded by a forest that is home to creatures both strange and dangerous, including a colony of giant carnivorous spiders.

The school groundskeeper has a hard time distinguishing between what is dangerous from what is cute, and is notorious for trying to raise dangerous creatures in his quarters.

The school’s popular intramural sport is an incredibly dangerous life-threatening competition with a self-propelled ball that, by design, tries to knock its players off vehicles traveling hundreds of feet in the air.

The school includes one required course, Defense Against the Dark Arts, that not only forces it students to confront monsters of every kind, but is taught by, in the first six years of Harry’s attendance there, professors who are (a) posses by mass-murderers, (b) frauds incapable of controlling the creatures they release in class, (c) ravenous werewolfs, (d) imposters eager to conspire in mass-murder, (e) torturers, or (f) past followers of a notorious terrorist leader… the very best among them being the werewolf, an otherwise nice guy who is only a major threat to life and limb during the nights of the full moon.

Think of all that and think of Sirius Black in the fireplace, solemnly sharing a secret with his godson. “Hogwarts,” he says, in a tone of a wise man imparting a great secret, “is no longer safe.”

Thanks a heap, Sirius.

We might have missed that, if not for your keen powers of observation.

His final conclusion is that Hogwarts needs to be dangerous, using a metaphor with the deep ends of pools. He’s hilarious. The funniest part is by far the bit about
the “Three of the Stupidest Elements in the Harry Potter Novels.”

It’s a brilliant book and you can tell he loves the books, but he loves making fun of them too.

Laters
Nyssa
Manga Count: 498
Comic Book Count: 11
Word Count: